I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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