my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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