FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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