Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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