she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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