I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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