My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize