My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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