well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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