what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You may now shotgun with the bride
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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