every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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