Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
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Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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