She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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