Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
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They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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