She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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