so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize