she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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