I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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