...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
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In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
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See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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