she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize