I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
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it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
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I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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