He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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