apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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