i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize