bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize