The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize