Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
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I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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