Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
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Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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