The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
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Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
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I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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