I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize