oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
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It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
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Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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