Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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