I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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