Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
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I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
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Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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