I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize