The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize