she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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