i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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