so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize