Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I am one with the molecules
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize