Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
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I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
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She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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