great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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