i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
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One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
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