Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
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he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
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Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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