Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
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Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize