She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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