and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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