So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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