she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
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What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
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Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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