yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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